Jul 042012
 

A few days ago it was “Canada Day” here in Canada. Being an American, and therefore unschooled in third world civic holidays, I asked a Canadian friend what Canada Day was. He told me it was just like my Fourth of July.

Stop right there!

Canada is an independent country!? I remember gasping for air, reeling at the notion that I somehow missed an overnight bloodless coup. “When did this happen?”, I asked, swearing to myself that I’d never miss another 6 o’clock news broadcast.

“Oh, about a hundred years ago,” explained my northern friend.

Stop right there!

So there was no coup, after all.

I see… Did this guy actually believe that Canada was an independent country? I pressed the issue.

Pulling a fistful of change from my pocket, I asked whose picture is that on every single penny, nickel, dime, quarter, loonie and twoonie in my outstretched palm. For those of you who may not know, it’s the Queen of England. England. Pretty magnanimous of an “independent country” to put the mug of ANOTHER country’s leader on all their money.

I asked what province we were in. “British Columbia,” my friend admitted. Hmmm… British. And the street corner we happened to be on? “King Edward Avenue and Prince Albert Street,” he noted. Not far from Queen Elizabeth Park, I noted.

So, it turns out that when my Fourth of July celebrates my county’s booting out of King George III and his tax collectors to form an independent republic accountable to no other country in the world, Canada Day actually celebrates the union of three British North American colonies – Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and the Province of Canada – into one British federation of four provinces – Ontario and Quebec replacing the Province of Canada.

The British monarch has a permanent seat in Canada’s parliament. Canadian laws require the British monarch’s “royal ascent” to become valid. New Canadian citizens must swear an oath of allegiance to the British Monarch. In fact, Great Britain is soaked into every nook and cranny of this giant English muffin called Canada.

Apologists point out that technically the British monarch – currently Queen Elizabeth II – holds the separate title of “Queen of Canada,” but who are we kidding?

So I delicately pointed out to my American-wannabe friend that aside from fireworks, a day off from work, and lots of pointless political speeches, Canada Day and the Fourth of July are about as similar as fox hunting and baseball.

Poor Canada. So desperate for its own identity, yet far too weak and scared to move out of Mom’s basement.

Happy Fourth of July, Canada!